Rage at the Machine - or a Lesson from NLP training

Tommy and I had trained together from the first Practitioner Training with Paul McKenna, and on through the Masters' and Trainers' with McKenna, Richard Bandler and John LaValle, learning tricks of stage magic and the different magic of Milton Ericksson. We rediscovered each other years after first meeting on a shiatsu course. I had gone ahead with a shiatsu career while Tommy opted for part-time. Now we were both determined to complete an inspiring but difficult training, a particular challenge for me being the making of a video of my teaching as I had never before even held a camcorder in my hand.

One of the earliest conditions I offered colleagues at Practitioner training was 'Technophobia', the panic attack that set in when presented with any kind of problem with technology, from kettle to computer, lightbulb to lap-top. I would break out in sweat, my heart would hammer, my breath go into shallow bellows-mode and my mood swing from fear to rage. By the time I got to Trainer-training I had learned to take a step back, reassure my inner self that everything would be (probably) be OK (eventually) and the machinery was just being machinery and it really wasn't personal.

Tommy had none of these issues. He worked in IT and told stories of help-desk questions ("the computer says it doesn't recognise the printer even though its right in front of the screen") and had his own video camera.

We went our ways after the Trainer course, I to a winter beach holiday where en-route I bought the latest, state-of-the-art, mini-disc camcorder "that works with everything" enthused the duty-free salesperson. Except mac, I discovered when I got home, proudly noticing as I wrestled (kinesthetically) with wires, helplines (auditory) and knowledge-bases (visual) that instead of stamping on it I kept cool, calm and contemptuous. (Metal cut Wood, in shiatsu terms, and Earth controlled Water.) I even managed a wry smile reading the small print - operating system windows - at home instead of at the airport. My son benefitted: the camera proved valuable in his acting/directing studies.

A trip to Amazon led me to a second-hand Sony, underwritten by a customer's comment that a Belkin cable between it and a mac required no software. I was in business. I set up the tripod - bought with the first camera - and filmed myself teaching NLP to my first group of accommodating students. That video got me my Trainer Licence and since then I've made many more, about NLP, Shiatsu, Tai Chi and Chi Kung. People have even told me they've joined courses through being impressed by my Youtube collection.

I came across Tommy again at another event a year or so later. He was still in his IT job and "hadn't got round to doing the video yet," although still determined to change career to NLP.

There's another lesson in here somewhere, but maybe for another day.

Kris Deva North

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November Newsletter

Air cools as nights draw in and thoughts turn like leaves to warmer times past or future, hopes and memories of good turns done, friendships lost and found, of magic childhood moments getting into warm ironed pyjamas in front of the fire...
A Taoist autumn is to let go the melancholy of season's change, grow courage to face winter, and smell the sunshine on those rare bright days that skymark this time. One such lit up the half-marathon when we gave shiatsu to the Capital runners: it was a real thrill to hear their appreciation on the radio. The week before we were at the Mind Body Soul exhibiting the art of gentle healing, meeting new people and making new friends.
And now, hooray for Amazon publishing three e-books: Taoist Medicine Wheel, Finding Spirit in Zen Shiatsu and Taoist 4Play Shiatsu Secrets for Love, that people can download for really a very small sum to read on (the beach?) their Kindles, iPhones, iPads, Androids, Blackberries ... when I first went to school we wrote on slates; paperbacks had just been invented, credit cards not even a tinkle in a banker's eye, and keys were made for locking. Now we can go anywhere in the world and spend money by tapping numbers on keypads - scary!
Talking of years, our Winter Gathering on 5th December will be a celebration of Kris's 70th and an occasion for remembrance, reconciliation and peace-making. We would love to see you there.

The new prospectus with dates and costs for Certified Practitioner and Master Practitioner training in 2011 is out now, with earlybird savings and extra savings for combining booking both courses together. Call us for your copy (0700 078 1195), or download with a click here or click here to find out how to sign up on-line now. The Healing NLP blog is running a series of 'Lessons from an NLPerson' with interesting insights into applying NLP in practice, and building up a practice: value for all, help for some. Have a read with a click here.

Congratulations to Anastasia Attiki and Michael Robbins on certification as Licensed Practitioners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. See the full list of Healing NLP Practitioners and Masters with a click here

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A Lesson from Listening

People do sometimes let themselves get into such a
state they stop believing themselves capable of anything. One client
had decided she was a thoroughly bad person because she had neglected her son, deserted her husband and alienated her whole family
when she was a heroin addict some fifteen years before. When she
told me this she spoke as if in a trance, eyes left in memories brought
into the present
“And now?” I asked.
“Well, I stopped using ten years ago.”
“Do you see your son?”
“Yes, we get along fine nowadays but I worry about him because of
what I did.”
“How is he?”
“Well he’s really healthy actually. And seems happy. And has a job
he likes and a lovely girlfriend. We get on really well.”
“What about your ex?”
“We’ve become friends. He doesn’t hold grudges.”
“Brothers? Sisters?”
“We’ve had our problems in the past but things are better now.”
“So tell me again, why, specifically, do you think you are a thoroughly
bad person?”
It was a habit she had formed, thinking about herself in that way. It
wasn’t rocket science to see it, not even therapy to help her see, just
commonsense, how she had wrapped herself in outdated thoughts.
She would never have worn outdated fashion.

© Kris Deva North
Extracted from Finding Spirit in Zen Shiatsu: NLP with a difference

Lessons from a NLPerson

What do you say, or how to lose friends and alienate people


They told me to 'mind my language' when I was a kid. "Why?"
"Because it upsets people, and that's not a nice thing to do."
As a grown-up doing NLP I learned the mysteries of rapport that took politesse oblige to a new level. I learned to say less and listen more, and found this useful in my work. In public speaking, a great tip from Paul McKenna taught me that its good practice to say nothing anyone can disagree with.
This advice sprang to mind some months ago when, at a seminar to recruit people for a self-development workshop, the speaker, an affable-seeming man, began to employ the device of mockery, gently mocking followers of a certain tradition for being robotic, mocking a man without a partner for being single with the words, we are mammals, and mammals have partners. (He didn't distinguish between dog-mammals who shag anyone including their parents, siblings and offspring, and polar bears who live in solitude except for the mating act.)
Now I thought to myself at the time, how does this speaker know how many robotic followers were sitting in his audience, and how many of those present were single, and would members of either group be flocking to his workshop?
Well, I guessed right, as I had the opportunity of meeting him again a few weeks later. I liked him as a person and I liked the ideas he was promoting and I thought a lot of people could benefit from his teachings.
He seemed sincere, open and friendly, and he tried really hard. So I broke my own rule of not offering help unless asked. I mentioned what I had noticed.
He defended his position, explaining he had not meant this, had really meant that, and he was sure people had not taken his words the wrong way.
"Did you get many takers from that seminar?" He shook his head.
I mentioned the NLP principles of rapport and McKenna's tip. He responded "I'm not an NLP geek."
The penny dropped - ignoring Paul's advice, I may have lost a potential friend and alienated that person.
Does this mean we should say nothing to anyone of what they should or should not do?
Is it that simple?
What do you think?


Kris Deva North: sharing lessons of life as an NLPerpetrator.