Lessons from a NLPerson

What do you say, or how to lose friends and alienate people


They told me to 'mind my language' when I was a kid. "Why?"
"Because it upsets people, and that's not a nice thing to do."
As a grown-up doing NLP I learned the mysteries of rapport that took politesse oblige to a new level. I learned to say less and listen more, and found this useful in my work. In public speaking, a great tip from Paul McKenna taught me that its good practice to say nothing anyone can disagree with.
This advice sprang to mind some months ago when, at a seminar to recruit people for a self-development workshop, the speaker, an affable-seeming man, began to employ the device of mockery, gently mocking followers of a certain tradition for being robotic, mocking a man without a partner for being single with the words, we are mammals, and mammals have partners. (He didn't distinguish between dog-mammals who shag anyone including their parents, siblings and offspring, and polar bears who live in solitude except for the mating act.)
Now I thought to myself at the time, how does this speaker know how many robotic followers were sitting in his audience, and how many of those present were single, and would members of either group be flocking to his workshop?
Well, I guessed right, as I had the opportunity of meeting him again a few weeks later. I liked him as a person and I liked the ideas he was promoting and I thought a lot of people could benefit from his teachings.
He seemed sincere, open and friendly, and he tried really hard. So I broke my own rule of not offering help unless asked. I mentioned what I had noticed.
He defended his position, explaining he had not meant this, had really meant that, and he was sure people had not taken his words the wrong way.
"Did you get many takers from that seminar?" He shook his head.
I mentioned the NLP principles of rapport and McKenna's tip. He responded "I'm not an NLP geek."
The penny dropped - ignoring Paul's advice, I may have lost a potential friend and alienated that person.
Does this mean we should say nothing to anyone of what they should or should not do?
Is it that simple?
What do you think?


Kris Deva North: sharing lessons of life as an NLPerpetrator.